First of all London is a wonderful place and I love it very much, however….the British need to work on a few things:
1. Can we please split checks? Please—I don’t want to throw down over 22 pounds for a mediocre pizza anymore
2. Can we calm down the PDA? I’m sorry but I don’t see how the tube, the escalator, THE REFECTORY, or any horizontal surface where pigeons do their business gets you in the mood
3. Can we work on the labelling of certain feminine products? I’m not going to elaborate too much, but let’s say I went in for one thing and came out with diapers…. Which lead to the infamous Auburn London group meme:
Other than that things have been just cheery and weird, which is the way I like it. I’ve seen a lot of famous places and such, but you can just Google image all that shazz, so I won’t ramble on about places, but I will go on about all the people (particularly the soon to be famous people that are kind of my friends ….but not really my friends all at the same time)!!
The story goes like this:
This night started out like most nights here, which is me wanting to hit the clubs and dance/look like this
However, this night we never made it to the destination of London’s club XOYO, BUT we did experience…so so so much more. In the beginning of the evening and on the tube, we were confident in our abilities to find the club and didn’t feel the need to get too involved with the chatty and rambunctious young English males with a guitar case and LMFAOish wardrobes who were all three extremely fascinated by us three American gals. In my personal opinion the cutest one—who looked like Justin Bieber—played twenty questions with us, wanting to know everything about Southern American culture. Of course I got roped into trying out a wimpy excuse of a British accent as Biebs completely owned me with his imitation of southern twang. After chatting for a while, the boys tell us that they just made it through on Britain’s Got Talent. Of course we roll our eyes at them and jokingly say, “Yeah of course we’ll look up your ‘band’ on YouTube or something…..(not).” Because we all know that potentially famous people never are that excited to meet strangers or excessively friendly right? No. WRONG.
After our night of never making it to XOYO, we looked up “The Luminites”….just out of pure curiosity. Well, we learned they are a pretty big deal, so please watch below:
The moral of the story is now they have become increasingly popular on the show and even loved by Simon since our encounter, so now I will always cherish the screenshot of the boys replying back to our wall post and the hugs given at the tube station. However the night of never making it to XOYO did not end at the tube ride with the Luminties….oh no, even after their directions to the club failed us we still sought out more help.
Our next destination was outside a random pub where two men were drinking and chatting, who I like to refer to as “Seth Rogen look-a-like” and “Frenchy.” Seth was a little drunk but God bless his soul he tried to help us find a club he had never even heard of before. Frenchy on the other hand, was a little creepy and had no intention of helping us find the club, but did have full intention of somehow partying with us there. After Frenchy and Seth shared some witty banter about how Frenchy is just as useless in helping us as the French are in warfare, we decided to get on out of there. It wasn’t soon after witnessing a man get hit by a car then pop up from the ground to put back on his fedora and give the crowd a thumbs up, that we realized we were not in Kansas anymore….or better yet we were no longer in the cushiony area of Regents Park.
After getting the third degree at a club called “Book Club” (really London...really??), we decided it was time to find out where we were and how on Earth could we find our way back home. We finally figured out the bus route to take us back to the promise land, but at this bus stop/ride we made a friend we didn’t really want to make. He called himself Andy and he was from “Toronto” (I don’t think he is from Toronto), but let’s call him “meth bro” because I feel like that was more accurate than him being from Toronto. So Meth Bro of course sits with us on the bus and we snuggle 3 to a 2 seater for good reason. But to Meth Bro, my name is GG (which comes from the name Jennifer?? I don’t know, I never said I was good on the spot okay!),my friend Allie’s number started with area code 205 (not at all), and my friend Morgan was Buster –which I came up with by the way. Once Andy was no longer super close to my face anymore, the three of us happily skipped home where there are no Frenchys and near death experiences, but just over sized pigeons and questionable minted lamb burgers served for lunch.
You could say my GG story has been proven to be some quality strategy used thus far in the London nightlife scene, but a different strategy must be used in the future because THE PLANE SNOGGING SAGA CONTINUESSSSS!!!! DONTONDON. That’s right people—I got the email offering a night for drinks, which because I put up the stop later downgraded to a day of coffee. I am considering the offer because I like coffee and I enjoy some good blogging material, however this would involve serious strategy. It would have to be done Chasing Liberty style where my Auburn crew would be sitting in the café spread out and entering/existing at different times like the secret service that they all are. Yeah yeah, should I?
But today I did get to soke up the London sun and get burned which I actually enjoyed for the first time ever. I also got to make friends with a non-creepy Englishman and a pug named Lola
My Scotland adventure will begin this coming Friday, so wish me luck on finding my family’s plaid-thingy and well…ya know just in general.
Cheers!
-EJ
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